Fixing Fixed News

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. – Albert Einstein

Newt Gingrich to Muslims: GET OFF MY LAWN!!


In a recent speech, congressmen Newt Gingrich announced his deep seeded dislike for Muslims. He told us a tale of two Muslims, one being a “militant” Muslim, and the other being a “stealth” Muslim. The stealth Muslim is kind of like a devoted Christian who tries spreading the word of God and the teachings of the bible. The only difference being that  instead of spreading the word of God and teachings of the bible, they are spreading the word of Allah, and the teachings of the Koran, which we all know is downright dangerous. Gingrich continues to inform us on how these two kinds of Muslim’s, the “militant” and the “stealth”,  which are well defined in the republican Koran, are one in the same.

Gingrich then goes into depth on the evils of this religion, telling the true horror stories of the Muslim world. He stated in graphic detail of how in the Muslim world it takes four witnesses to prove that a rape actually took place. Now this isn’t that much different from Catholicism (Newtys favorite religion as displayed on his website, like any true public official would display), where you need two and a half priest as witnesses to prove a sexual assault on an alter boy had occurred.

The speech then turns from good to great when Gingrich proposes his Anti-Muslim law. In his proposed law, he sets out to ban Sharia law from overcoming traditional American law. Now I know what a few of you are thinking, We already have the first amendment to protect us from something like that. What we don’t have though is an easy way around the establishment clause. This clause of the first amendment restricts the government from establishing, promoting, or inhibiting a religion. So if Gingy and the Fox News gang can just get one of the many laws dealing with the repression of  the Muslim religion passed and upheld by the Supreme Court, Fox gets one step closer to establishing Foxistianity.

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